Two traders planning their A.M. market strategy.
TRADER #1: The client just called. I transferred the muppet to the Investment Adviser’s assistant. She’s a muppet too.
ASSISTANT: (on the telephone with client) I’m sorry, but your trade has already settled.
CLIENT: Cancel it.
ASSISTANT: Um…The order was filled. I have the trade confirm right here.
CLIENT: CANCEL IT.
ASSISTANT: I already received the confirm. You bought 3,500 shares. The trade has already settled.
She reads from the confirm.
ASSISTANT: A long buy of 3,500 shares at 37.75 per share.
CLIENT: I didn’t know your firm has a short position in this stock. You didn’t tell me your firm is short this. I’m losing money on this while your firm is making money on this!
ASSISTANT: Um…I’m sorry. I don’t understand this.
CLIENT: You muppet! I want to talk to your boss, NOW. You get that Money Manager on the phone, NOW.
ASSISTANT: I’m sorry George, but he’s not here right now.
CLIENT: I’m not going to let you get away…
Trader #2 is listening in on the telephone conversation and he hears every word. He clicks off of the phone.
TRADER #2: She’s still on the phone with Mr. Muppet. He got wind of our credit default derivative mortgage security shorts.
TRADER #1: Fuck. How did he find out?
TRADER #2: I don’t know —
TRADER #1: Maybe his neighbor couldn’t pay his mortgage.
They both laugh.
TRADER #2: …But, man is he angry!
TRADER #1: Start listening in on all of that Assistants phone calls. Don’t let her know what’s going on.
The Investment Adviser has just returned and is standing with the traders.
INVESTMENT ADVISER: If she finds out what’s going on we’ll have to kill her.